I'm a few months into this graffiti thing and I've done some walls I'm talkin to a couple of writers about doing some painting with them, I've got a few good looking walls on the horizon and alot of graff supplies waiting for me when I get back home. But what does it amount to? nothing really. I don't want a part of the meaninglessness. I'm tired of sketching, I'm tired of getting better, I'm tired of wanting respect from anyone, I'm tired of caring what my work looks like. They're all just distractions and I feel like I could write my name 1000 times and I just wouldn't care. Why wouldn't I care? because it's been done and no one cares. Graffiti is such a huge culture there are so many writers with such tallent all saying the same thing "look at me". I feel like I'm competing against all of them because I hate vandalism and I fight for some of the things they fight against. I want to be revolutionary. I want annother message from God to share with the world - and that's all I want.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Everything I thought I wanted
I'm a few months into this graffiti thing and I've done some walls I'm talkin to a couple of writers about doing some painting with them, I've got a few good looking walls on the horizon and alot of graff supplies waiting for me when I get back home. But what does it amount to? nothing really. I don't want a part of the meaninglessness. I'm tired of sketching, I'm tired of getting better, I'm tired of wanting respect from anyone, I'm tired of caring what my work looks like. They're all just distractions and I feel like I could write my name 1000 times and I just wouldn't care. Why wouldn't I care? because it's been done and no one cares. Graffiti is such a huge culture there are so many writers with such tallent all saying the same thing "look at me". I feel like I'm competing against all of them because I hate vandalism and I fight for some of the things they fight against. I want to be revolutionary. I want annother message from God to share with the world - and that's all I want.
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2 comments:
I've been reading Ecclesiastes recently. Your post sounds a lot like that book. I might point out that you have had a good effect on people like Joel Terry and various street kids while doing graffiti. Maybe your conclusion is like that of Ecclesiastes: Everything under the sun is meaningless and our only purpose is a life of faith in God. God has been using you and I'm sure that he will continue to do so.
Ecclesiastes is definately one of my favorite books of the bible. I've had alot of oportunities recently to do almost anything I've wanted it makes me feel like I'm standing at the forks of a road. I'm just going to stand here for a while longer until I know which way the wind is blowing so when I choose my path I wont be chasing it.
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